I studied a very interesting theory in class. This is a theory by Daryl J Bem. Daryl is a social psychologist. He came up with this theory that Exotic Becomes Erotic (EBE). His theory proposes that “individuals can become erotically attracted to a class of individuals from whom they felt different during childhood.” He explains the sequence of six different events that leads to an individual’s erotic attractions. I want to focus on the first four events.
Biological Variables:
According to this theory, biological variables such as genes or prenatal hormones do not code for sexual orientation per se. So the statement, “I was born gay” isn’t true.
Childhood Temperaments:
I think that the study explains this very well. “A child’s temperaments predispose him or her to enjoy some activities more than other activities.-- Children who prefer sex-typical activities and same-sex playmates are referred to as gender conforming; children who prefer sex-atypical activities and opposite-sex playmates are referred to as gender nonconforming.”
Sex-typical/Atypical Activity Preferences:
On the first day of class we talked a lot about gender typical roles that children have. We discussed how girls are more nurturing, they communicate more at younger ages, are more cooperative, and are more relational. Boys tend to be more competitive, have more body strength, are more aggressive, and startle more easily as babies.
The next day in class we talked about what we say when young girls act more like the boys versus what we say about young boys acting more like girls. When a girl is more boyish we call them “tomboy”. We tend to paint a tomboy in a more positive way. It isn’t bad for a girl to be a “tomboy”. However when a boy is more girly, we call them “sissy or gay” both of those are painted in a negative light. I found this very interesting. I haven’t thought about it that way. In society they want girls to be more strong and masculine, but boys cannot be sensitive or caring.
Last weekend, at a super bowl party, I witnessed a situation that in a way demonstrated this. There were two little girls and two little boys playing. They all decided to go put bows in their hair. One of the little boys put a lot of bows all over his head. He thought that he looked very good. His dad made a comment about that not being something that boys do. I could tell that the young boy felt bad. His mom however handled the situation very well. She told her son, “Don’t listen to day. You look very cute.”
Feeling Different from Opposite/Same-sex Peers:
In the study it says, “Gender-conforming children will feel different from opposite-sex peers, and gender-nonconforming children will feel different from same-sex peers.”
An important thing that I learned was about terminology. We often group together same sex attraction, homosexual, and gay as if they all mean the same thing. I learned that same sex attraction and same gender attraction is just the feeling that people have, homosexual is when they are acting on the feelings, and gay is the label that people give themselves when they accept it.
On churchofjesuschrist.org it says “Our gender was established before we were born into mortality and is an essential characteristic of our eternal identity. Church leaders distinguish between same-sex attraction, which is not sinful, and homosexual behavior, which is considered sinful because it conflicts with Heavenly Father’s plan for our exaltation.” It really is all about agency.
The topic of same-sex attraction can sometimes be a little bit uncomfortable, I haven’t had many discussions about it. But I think that it is a very important thing to learn about.
Biological Variables:
According to this theory, biological variables such as genes or prenatal hormones do not code for sexual orientation per se. So the statement, “I was born gay” isn’t true.
Childhood Temperaments:
I think that the study explains this very well. “A child’s temperaments predispose him or her to enjoy some activities more than other activities.-- Children who prefer sex-typical activities and same-sex playmates are referred to as gender conforming; children who prefer sex-atypical activities and opposite-sex playmates are referred to as gender nonconforming.”
Sex-typical/Atypical Activity Preferences:
On the first day of class we talked a lot about gender typical roles that children have. We discussed how girls are more nurturing, they communicate more at younger ages, are more cooperative, and are more relational. Boys tend to be more competitive, have more body strength, are more aggressive, and startle more easily as babies.
The next day in class we talked about what we say when young girls act more like the boys versus what we say about young boys acting more like girls. When a girl is more boyish we call them “tomboy”. We tend to paint a tomboy in a more positive way. It isn’t bad for a girl to be a “tomboy”. However when a boy is more girly, we call them “sissy or gay” both of those are painted in a negative light. I found this very interesting. I haven’t thought about it that way. In society they want girls to be more strong and masculine, but boys cannot be sensitive or caring.
Last weekend, at a super bowl party, I witnessed a situation that in a way demonstrated this. There were two little girls and two little boys playing. They all decided to go put bows in their hair. One of the little boys put a lot of bows all over his head. He thought that he looked very good. His dad made a comment about that not being something that boys do. I could tell that the young boy felt bad. His mom however handled the situation very well. She told her son, “Don’t listen to day. You look very cute.”
Feeling Different from Opposite/Same-sex Peers:
In the study it says, “Gender-conforming children will feel different from opposite-sex peers, and gender-nonconforming children will feel different from same-sex peers.”
An important thing that I learned was about terminology. We often group together same sex attraction, homosexual, and gay as if they all mean the same thing. I learned that same sex attraction and same gender attraction is just the feeling that people have, homosexual is when they are acting on the feelings, and gay is the label that people give themselves when they accept it.
On churchofjesuschrist.org it says “Our gender was established before we were born into mortality and is an essential characteristic of our eternal identity. Church leaders distinguish between same-sex attraction, which is not sinful, and homosexual behavior, which is considered sinful because it conflicts with Heavenly Father’s plan for our exaltation.” It really is all about agency.
The topic of same-sex attraction can sometimes be a little bit uncomfortable, I haven’t had many discussions about it. But I think that it is a very important thing to learn about.
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