I am a Communication major so I was excited for the topic of this week's discussions; communication and mutual problem solving. It is important to know that we are always communicating. Whether that be verbally or nonverbally.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says, “True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate. Their communications, both verbal and nonverbal, are to be kind, compassionate, and helpful, reflecting a love for Heavenly Father’s children and an understanding that all people are brothers and sisters.”
Doctor David D. Burns has a blog and podcast called Feeling Good. In class we talked about his Five Secrets of Effective Communication. On the podcast it is episodes 14 and 15. In these podcasts, the five communication secrets are discussed. It is shared how these steps can rapidly transform conflict and misunderstanding into intimacy and trust.
The Five Secrets of Effective Communication can be remembered using the acronym, EAR: E is for Empathy, A is for Assertiveness, and R is for Respect.
The five secrets are under each letter in the acronym.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. I think that Empathy is a very important characteristic that everyone should work to develop.
The first secret Doctor Burns taught is the disarming technique. This is when you find truth in what the other person is saying even if it seems illogical, self-serving, distorted, or just plain wrong. This has been proven to be very successful even when just one person in the relationship is doing it.
The second secret that was taught is thought and feeling empathy. Thought Empathy is when you summarize what the other person said, and Feeling Empathy is acknowledging how he or she is probably feeling, given what they just said. This is a really good listening exercise. By summarizing what was said, you clear up any misunderstandings and it shows that you care about what the other person was telling you.
The third secret is inquiry. You do this by asking gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. As you learn more you can feel more empathy for the person.
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.
Doctor Burns’ fourth secret is “I feel” statements. These statements can be formatted in this way: “When (situation/ event) happened, I felt (emotions), because (thought). I would like (want/ wish/ hope).” Personally I need to work on my “I feel” statements. It can be difficult to share your emotions and thoughts, but not sharing them can cause communication issues and lead to conflict.
Respect is due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. For me respect is very important. Even if I don’t always agree with a person, I try to keep my respect for them.
The fifth and final secret is affirmation. That is when you convey warmth, caring and respect, even in the heat of battle. Good communication cannot happen when everyone is in the heat of the battle, so remembering this secret is very beneficial.
To close I want to share a scripture that we talked about in class. Ephesians 4:29 reads, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says, “True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate. Their communications, both verbal and nonverbal, are to be kind, compassionate, and helpful, reflecting a love for Heavenly Father’s children and an understanding that all people are brothers and sisters.”
Doctor David D. Burns has a blog and podcast called Feeling Good. In class we talked about his Five Secrets of Effective Communication. On the podcast it is episodes 14 and 15. In these podcasts, the five communication secrets are discussed. It is shared how these steps can rapidly transform conflict and misunderstanding into intimacy and trust.
The Five Secrets of Effective Communication can be remembered using the acronym, EAR: E is for Empathy, A is for Assertiveness, and R is for Respect.
The five secrets are under each letter in the acronym.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. I think that Empathy is a very important characteristic that everyone should work to develop.
The first secret Doctor Burns taught is the disarming technique. This is when you find truth in what the other person is saying even if it seems illogical, self-serving, distorted, or just plain wrong. This has been proven to be very successful even when just one person in the relationship is doing it.
The second secret that was taught is thought and feeling empathy. Thought Empathy is when you summarize what the other person said, and Feeling Empathy is acknowledging how he or she is probably feeling, given what they just said. This is a really good listening exercise. By summarizing what was said, you clear up any misunderstandings and it shows that you care about what the other person was telling you.
The third secret is inquiry. You do this by asking gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. As you learn more you can feel more empathy for the person.
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.
Doctor Burns’ fourth secret is “I feel” statements. These statements can be formatted in this way: “When (situation/ event) happened, I felt (emotions), because (thought). I would like (want/ wish/ hope).” Personally I need to work on my “I feel” statements. It can be difficult to share your emotions and thoughts, but not sharing them can cause communication issues and lead to conflict.
Respect is due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. For me respect is very important. Even if I don’t always agree with a person, I try to keep my respect for them.
The fifth and final secret is affirmation. That is when you convey warmth, caring and respect, even in the heat of battle. Good communication cannot happen when everyone is in the heat of the battle, so remembering this secret is very beneficial.
To close I want to share a scripture that we talked about in class. Ephesians 4:29 reads, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
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